The Reasons Why
by youkillianme
Summary: After the events of "Crack the Whip", Amethyst can only confide in one person to comfort her. OH CLODS.


Peridot was typing on her tablet furiously when Amethyst came into the barn. She was still working on her Camp Pining Hearts essay, which she had promised herself she would finish by the end of the week, so she had hardly noticed Amethyst's entrance. How could she notice when she was so focused on finding the perfect way to express to her fans why she would never, in a million years, switch bodies with Paulette from Camp Pining Hearts? Peridot had not even noticed when Lapis had left her side of the barn to get some space. Lately she and Lazuli had been getting along better - they could hold a conversation without too much tension. It was... nice and Peridot had appreciated the fact that she'd had one less thing to stress her out. That was, of course, until Lapis had come face to face with Jasper, who had wanted to... fuse with her, of all things. Since then, things had become more tense. Peridot was more on edge than she wanted to let on, but it was moments like these that kept her calm. Expressing her thoughts... that was her escape. Leaving the barn was Lapis'. And Amethyst...

She was just standing there in the doorway, her lilac hair hanging over her eyes. She was incredibly silent and, when Peridot finally looked up from her laptop, she felt uneasy. Amethyst was never quiet. Ever. God, she was the loudest gem she knew... outside of herself.

Peridot pursed her lips and turned her tablet off, setting it aside. Something was obviously wrong with Amethyst and her essay was not important than that. "Are you just going to stand there?" Peridot asked, her eyes on the hunched-over figure across the room. The figure shifted and Peridot looked Amethyst directly in her eyes. "Well? I can't help you if you just stand there."

Peridot wasn't sure what she expected Amethyst to say. Something quick-witted and sarcastic had been her hope. Amethyst was the least serious of the Crystal Gems outside of Steven, of course, and Peridot admired that about her. All she got was, "Oh, Steven and Connie are busy talking to the Gems right now. Thought I'd hang out with you."

"Right," Peridot said, slightly annoyed because Amethyst did not sound the least bit excited about spending time with her - which she usually was. "Well then. Come and sit next to me. I wasn't doing much of anything anyways." That was a lie, of course, because her Camp Pining Hearts essay was still a fairly pressing matter to her. But, it was obvious that Amethyst was incredibly bothered and Peridot was curious and, above all else, she cared too much to tell her to leave.

Soon Amethyst and Peridot were sitting next to each other, though not as close as they usually did, something that Peridot noted immediately but did nothing to change. They sat in silence for a moment before Amethyst finally spoke (thankfully), her voice wavering slightly, "Do you think I'm useful?"

"Wait - what?" Peridot asked, so startled by the straight-forwardness of her question that she didn't fully register what she had just been asked.

"Am I useful? Like Pearl and Garnet..." Amethyst's voice trailed off momentarily before she picked up her sentence with, "Like, they didn't even ask me to go with them to track Jasper and you know how important that is. They left me to watch Steven and Connie."

"That's still important, Amethyst," Peridot replied quickly, her eyes becoming more gentle as she tried to find her bold, passionate friend in the sullen orbs that stared back at her.

"I couldn't even do that right, Peri."

"I don't know what you mean by that," Peridot replied just as quickly as she had earlier, if not faster. "This isn't like you... Doubting yourself. That's my job." She said this with her best attempt at a smile, hoping that Amethyst would respond by returning one of her trademark grins.

"Jasper found us, Peridot," Amethyst said, seemingly without acknowledging Peridot's small joke. Suddenly Amethyst's tension made sense and Peridot found herself struck senseless. Of course Peridot had known about Jasper coming back to the surface - it was all that Lapis would talk about, and it was constantly on her own mind. Jasper... terrified her to her core and, honestly, the thought of coming face-to-face with the larger gem would have petrified her. And Amethyst had been there... with Steven and Connie. "Jasper found us," Amethyst repeated, breaking through her thoughts. She continued on, "and I was almost a goner, but Steven and Connie fused together and they saved me. I was supposed to save them, Peri. It was my job to protect them and I couldn't even do that right. Steven and Connie were excited to tell the Gems what they did, which is good for them. But, it was just another reminder that I'm just a useless runt of a gem."

"What?" was all that Peridot could manage.

Amethyst clenched her hands into fists. "You know exactly what I said. Jasper was right - I'm weak. I let the Crystal Gems think I was good enough. I'm not."

"Amethyst..." Peridot couldn't believe what she was hearing her friend... her closest friend say about herself. But, Peridot did know what it felt like to feel incredibly inept in comparison to others. It was difficult not to feel that way when one was surrounded by the Crystal Gems. They exuded confidence - they were everything that Peridot had been sure she couldn't be. They were powerful and, up until recently, Peridot had felt incapable of living up to that without her armor. She knew what it felt like to feel less than incredible, but the Crystal Gems had believed in her, and... "You believed in me when I didn't. I'm more of a runt than you are," she said with a small smile, "but I'm starting to learn my worth and that's thanks to you. Just because Jasper got you this time doesn't mean that you aren't useful to the Crystal Gems."

"I don't think you -" Amethyst started, but Peridot cut her off with a gesture of her hand.

"Stop it this instant. You've been... more than useful to me and, I'm sure the other Crystal Gems feel the same way."

"Helping you with your self-esteem doesn't really count, Peri..." Amethyst said, running her hand through her long lilac hair.

"You're such a clod," Peridot mumbled under her breath as she pulled out her tablet. She silently opened the very same application she had been using to writer her essay on Camp Pining Hearts. Her finger hovered over that file for a brief moment, her mind drifting to the temporary bliss she'd felt just minutes ago as she had let the words fall over her. She had thought that ignorance was bliss in that moment, but she was beginning to recognize that ignoring her problems wasn't very helpful. Her finger moved so that it was hovering over a different file, one that she'd written on one of the first dates she'd gotten her tablet from Steven. It had recently been opened because she had just updated a few hours ago - she was constantly adding to it. Without prompting, her face had become hot and Peridot realized she felt slightly embarrassed. "Err..."

Amethyst became concerned when she noticed Peridot's face come together in an expression of embarrassment. "Are you okay?" she asked, putting a hand on Peri's shoulder.

Peri turned and looked at Amethyst and smiled. "Yeah, I just want you to read this... If you don't believe that you're important, then maybe this will convince you otherwise." She clicked the file and handed the tablet to Amethyst as it loaded up, her cheeks turning a deeper shade of green. "It's not finished, by the way."

"What..." Amethyst started as she took Peridot's tablet in her hands. She looked at her friend once, her face becoming their own darker shade of purple. She wondered, for a split second, if Peridot was showing her the Camp Pining Hearts essay that she'd been talking about on her social media website. However, when she looked down at the tablet, she realized that Peridot was being more thoughtful than that. Smiling for the first time since she'd entered the barn, Amethyst began to read the document aloud:

"Reasons why I like Amethyst so much:

Disclaimer: I can't seem to make a list for the other gems.

1\. I thought I couldn't be useful to the Crystal Gems, for lack of powers. But Amethyst helped me discover that... sort of? She kind of had to threaten my tablet to do that, but I've found it in myself to forgive her for that..."

Amethyst found herself cackling loudly and, as she continued to read Peridot's list, began to sit closer to her friend than she had all night.


End file.
